Useless Knowledge

It's funny.

When you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is. 

And then when you break up, all that stuffs become useless. 

It's the emotional equivalence of an English degree.

(How I Met Your Mother Season 5, episode 3)

Hello Dee..

Q: Hello dee..
A: Hello :)
Q: Are you okay?
A: Yes, I am fine!
    .....
    Actually... No I am not.
Q: Why? What happen?
A: I don't know. I am alone, in this strange city. I am missing my friends.
    And I'm missing you. 
    There's so many things I want to say to you.
    I want to say I love you. I want to say, that I wish you would have fight for   
    me. I wish the thought of losing me, is unimaginable and unbearable to you.
Q: I'm moving on, dee. I don't want to hurt you any further, so i decided to let   
     you go.
A: I know, you don't want to hurt me. I only wish you decided to fight with
    me so I won't get hurt anymore and safe beside you, rather than give up 
    and just letting me go.
    Because, some what, it's still hurt me inside. To not worth your fight :( 

Closed Chapter

since this blog have documented every journey i made in my life for almost 2 years, so I think it's sufficient for me to write this news here.
okay, here it goes.
last night I broke up with my boyfriend.

yeap. that guy. the one I thought will be the one person who's gonna be with me for the rest of my life.

so, there you go. The breaking news.

i can't write too much right now. i'm still in the office, and I can't find a secret place to cry, which I will be doing if I keep writing this blog now.

but don't worry. I will write another posts. maybe lots of them. for those of you who've read my blog since 2009, you must already know that I become productive when I get broken-hearted. Ha Ha Ha.


so wish me luck. wish me happiness, and a chance to meet my true prince.
and i wish all of you a lot of happiness and luck too in life :)

Falling Out of Love

i have this one weakness.
i was never falling out of love.
once I'm in it, I keep stay there.
until one day, it's all gone.
and I was left there alone.
gasping out of breath. 
wondering what happen that make it all go away?


sometimes, I wonder.
what does it feels?
to love someone so endearingly for some times,
and to lose all that feeling another time?
is it happen overnight? is it happen gradually?
is it need any external distraction to make someone fall out love?
do you need to fall in love to someone else first, before you can fall out of love?
or do you just need some times separate from your lover, to lose all the feeling?


i don't know.
for me, once I love someone, then i keep on loving them.
as long as we're okay.
as long as we are not abusive toward each other.
as long as nothing bad or destructive happen, then i will keep loving them.
and IF there is something that i can't accept from someone, then i will talk it out.
discuss it, in an adult manner. 
find the way out and how to solve it.


so I'm really curious.
how does it feel, really?
how does it feel to stop being in love with someone, and ignore them like they never matter to you at all?
as if, all the times and the hours you've spent with each other is never happen?
tell me, because I think I need to know how does it feel to be able to understand how it can happen.


can YOU tell me?

What Else Did You Looking For?

saya punya satu permintaan saat ini:
boleh tidak saya menggetok kepala seseorang?
sekali saja. tetapi dengan sangat keras.

karena saya sangat ingin menyadarkannya. 
karena sedikit lagi, dia akan menghilangkan sesuatu yang berharga.
sesuatu yang kami miliki berdua.
sesuatu yang spesial, yang tidak akan terlalu sering kami jumpai dan miliki dengan orang lain.


saya tidak mengerti.
mengapa seseorang mau menghilangkan sesuatu yang baik, yang menyenangkan bagi kami berdua?
ketika kamu memiliki hubungan yang suportif, 
yang saling menghargai dimana tidak pernah ada kalimat kasar dikeluarkan saat berargumen, 
hubungan yang dewasa,
saling jujur,
saling sabar,
dan satu sama lain adalah baik untuk kami masing masing,
kenapa kamu mau menghilangkan itu semua?


tidak pernahkah kamu melihat hubungan yang dimiliki orang lain?
semua pertengkaran,
ketidakpercayaan,
keegoisan,
ketidaksabaran dan pengertian,
tidakkah kamu merasa bersyukur dengan apa yang kita miliki?

karena saya bersyukur.
saya benar benar bersyukur, untuk memiliki kamu,
dan memiliki kita.

is that so hard to see?
what else did you looking for? :(

Missing You

it's not that I don't miss you. I miss you, a lot. But I learn not to miss you. Because it seems like you're not missing me too.