Dreams.

I have two kinds of dreams.
First, the big dreams.
I want to be a succesfull clinical-slash-industrial and organizational psychologist, I want to be a writer and have my own best-seller novels, and I want to be rich enough so I can give enough money to the needy or adopt some unfortunate children and put them in the best school I know.
Those are my ambitious dreams.

Second, I have a more simple dreams. But in a way, this is more important than any other dreams I have.
I want to be a devoted wife and mother.

I want to be a career woman who still have time to, at least, always prepared my husband and kids breakfast.

I want to be a wife who's waiting on her husband at home, ready with the warm drink and hands to massage his tired muscles.

I want to be a wife who's never nag. Who always face the obstacles with smile and encouraging words. I want to be that strong.

I want to be a wife who's never fight with her husband in front of their children.

I want to be a wife who can always discuss problems and honored opinions from every family members.

I want to be a mother who always tugs their children at bed and kisses them every night.I want to be a mother who read her children bedtime stories, because I believe in the power of dreams and imaginations.

I want to be a mother who's not afraid to say 'I love you, kiddo' to every kid that she has, and make no one feels left behind or unwanted.

I want to be a mother who's not feel too proud about herself and able to say, 'I'm sorry. I was wrong. Just like you who still learn to be a child, I'm still learning to be a mother too' to her kids when she makes mistakes.

I want to be a mother who will always able to accept their children, no matter what they will become and whatever choices they have. I just hope that I will raise them good enough to make them know what's good for them.

I want to be a wife and a mother that her husband and kids feel safe and secure enough to trust. I want to be the first person they will come to when the feel sad or happy and wanna talk about it.

I want to be a mother who can keep up with her kids. To be a mother that understands her children's world and know when to give them space or to hold them tight.

And, I want to be a wife that my husband will be proud to have.
A mother whom her children will say, 'my mother is my strength'.

I have a mind and a heart of my own..

Dear future me,

just a quick reminder for yourself. Someday, a couple years from now, you will become a wife and a mother. I am sure you'll start to understand the difficulties of being a mom and a devoted wife. Something I haven't fully grasp till now.
And soon, you and your husband will grow old, and the kids grow older. You will go through many life cycles. First day at schools, graduations, first boyfriends / girlfriends that your kids bring home. And I'm sure the latter will get you worry the most, because you don't know whether they will be decent enough for your kids or not.
And of course, your concern will become bigger as their relationships getting more serious and they are in the age of marriage-ready. You will try to think and select people who you think deserve to be your future in-laws, and despise the ones that you don't think deserve to be in your family.

BUT future me,
please remember this.
Your kids have their own minds and hearts.
You are a strong and a smart person, and you've taught your kids to be tough and smart too. You've gotta believe in yourself, that you have raised them as best as you could and they have grown to be good enough people.
Trust their judgments, because they will be the ones who really know what they need.
Respect their choices, because even if it's a mistake, it was a mistake they need to make and learn by themselves.
As a parent, your job is to be beside them and support them. To be happy when eventually they make the right choices.
But also to catch them when they fall into their own mistakes. Many people will point their fingers and say "I told you, so!". When that happen, dear future me, please catch your kids and hug them. Tell them that it's okay, and mistakes are meant to be made so we can learn to be wiser in the future.

Last thing, future me.
Don't forget how you feel when you are younger and in love.
Don't forget the sadness and confusion when your own parents judging your choice and made you feel incompetent of making your own decision.
Don't put your kids in the same position.
Be gentle and understanding.
Always talk to your kids and try to understand their own point of views.
And be there for them. That way, your kids won't feel any need to put distance with you and feel utterly alone.

See you in the future :)

Hey, Kiddo..

Self Actualization Theory dari Carl Rogers:

Saat bayi, seseorang mengembangkan kebutuhan akan positive regards, yaitu kebutuhan untuk mendapatkan penerimaan, kasih sayang, dan persetujuan dari orang lain, terutama dari ibu. Positive regard sangat penting untuk perkembangan seorang anak, karena perilaku mereka diarahkan oleh seberapa banyak kasih sayang dan cinta yang mereka dapatkan. Seorang anak akan mempersepsikan ketidaksetujuan orangtua akan perilaku mereka sebagai ketidaksetujuan terhadap siapa diri mereka. Sehingga pada akhirnya mereka hanya akan berperilaku dalam cara yang menghasilkan positive regard dari orang lain, walaupun hal tersebut tidak sesuai dengan diri mereka yang sebenarnya. 

Rogers mengatakan bahwa walaupun ada beberapa perilaku anak yang mungkin pantas mendapatkan hukuman, namun kasih sayang seorang ibu harus tetap diberikan secara penuh dan tanpa syarat; dan tidak tergantung dari perilaku seorang anak. Dengan melakukan hal tersebut, seorang anak akan merasa bahwa ia sudah bisa memenuhi kebutuhan akan positive regardnya dan akan berusaha untuk memberikan positive regard kepada orang lain. Terpenuhinya positive regard tanpa syarat juga akan membuat seseorang mengembangkan konsep diri yang lebih positif.

So, kiddo. We may haven't met yet. I haven't married your father yet, and I don't know when will we finally meet each other. But I promise you, that I will give you my unconditional positive regard. Instead of saying:
"Kamu nakal banget sih. Karena kamu nakal, mamah akan hukum kamu."

I will say this to you..
"Hey kiddo, you know that I love you, right? And I will always love you no matter what you do. But you have to learn that some actions bring consequencies. Stealing candy is wrong, because you took what's not yours. So, as a consequence, you can't have dessert tonight."

Sumber: Schultz, D.P., & Schultz, S.E. (2009). Theories of Personality (9^th ed). California: Wadsworth.